Jean, I think your critique is better than the work you are critiquing. Your piece was my favorite of the book. Once others have had the time to get through it, I will expand on my reasons and ideas about it. For now, I will say that your story seemed to marry the themes of 1984 and A Brave New World within a story thar harkens back to Shirley Jackson's The Lottery. That said, the denouement was both a perfect resolution, and completely unexpected. In short, it was the perfect ending. The reader is provided with enough information to completely understand the climax, yet deprived of just enough to want to immediately read it again with foreknowledge of the ending.