(emphasis mine) You say true, I say thankya. I think Roland was/is more "in love" with the idea of Susan and being in love than he actually was/is in love with Susan herself. Her untimely demise got tied up into a whole lot of other drama, and I think that's why it still cut at Roland for so long. If Susan wasn't associated with the fight, the grapefruit, the matricide, etc, then he may have been able to let go more easily.